I recently have had the opportunity to join Socialbliss as a Style Ambassador and they were going to do a feature on their blog of all the ambassadors and needed some good headshots and full body shots that reflected our style.
I was excited, but also stressed out over the fact that I was actually going to have to finally show my body in a photo for the world to see.
It’s no surprise that I have struggled with many things lately and I believe I mentioned that I had been struggling with my weight. I gained a ton of weight over the past couple years and it’s been really hard on me.My insecuries are probably deeper than physical but I am not happy in the figure I have right now. I find it hard to fit into things because I am a plus size but I am also 5’10 so I have long arms and legs. For me this is body I have created by emotional eating mostly and just being lazy and a shitty metabolism. It’s not that I eat all day long, with a bag of chips in one hand and a liter of soda. I actually eat smaller portions and get full pretty quickly and I really don’t snack at all. The part that it is for me is stress and depression. Rather than lose my appetite (which happens sometimes) I eat. It’s a comfort for me (honestly I wish it was the other way.) I also don’t work out, mainly because I get so insecure going into the gym. I feel like I need to lose weight first before I go to the gym which is super silly. However I do LOVE swimming, but hate to wear a swimsuit but swimming is the most fun and I am super happy when I am in the water, I also love biking (need to buy a bike.)
Anyways where I was going. As I was editing the photos I hated every single one of them. My face looked fat, my cheeks were to chubby, my fingers were fat, my boobs not perky (that’s age I think 😉 ) my ass was giant, whats the matter with my thighs. I suppose we are our worst critic but I really think I am the worst just because my insecurities are through the roof. I often have a hard time going to public places because I feel like people are looking at me with disgust. As I was hitting send to Socialbliss I seriously got nauseous with the fear of what people say or thing.
I have the utmost respect for the female plus size model for being able to love their bodies no matter what their size and their confidence. It’s incredible to see, and incredible to see the support they get from the public and from style forums and magazines. Because it’s true not everyone is a size 4 and some of us, and curves are beautiful, I love my curves, I just wish my curves were smaller and more toned 🙂 . It’s actually very refreshing to see people like Gabifresh & Margie Plus so successful as plus sized bloggers and honestly I wish I had the confidence they had. It’s really more of an internal thing for me, clearly. 🙂
So I wanted to actually share a few of the photos since they are going to be on their blog soon I wanted to share here. (Be nice 🙂 )
I took them this morning as it was a bit of an impromptu shoot with my friend visiting from Seattle. He takes great photos and edits very well but I actually edited these. I am probably going to have to bribe him to shoot some more because he is super talented. The sun was in my eyes so I am squinting in a few of them.
I am a bit limited on clothes just because A: Laundry Day and B: most are still in Seattle
Nail color Essie “Tart Decco”, Clutch C/O Socialbliss & Dapper Diction, Forever 21 Jeans, Urban Outfitters Tee, Nordstrom Boyfriend Blazer, Franco Sarto heels from DSW, Bracelets:”love” friendship bracelet by Calypso St. Barths, Stella & Dot “Vintage Twist Bracelet” & Target Red studded bangles.
Well I did it. I want to do this again, but I am super nervous which I am sure you can tell, this totally didn’t come naturally to me. lol 🙂
What I want to come out of this too is sort of a goal for me to keep working out, dieting and document the weight lose in looks. What do you think?
Again, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all LOL 🙂